i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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