I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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