hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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