Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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