suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
