I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
