My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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