I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
