Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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