I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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