sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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