the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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