we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
