I have demons in me.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
