I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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