don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
