You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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