i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
