So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
