I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
