yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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