and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
