I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
