Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we made out on top of his cat.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
