i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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