I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
