I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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