dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
