Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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