just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
