I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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