She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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