If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
