I love black thongs
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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