I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
where does the pee come out of this thing
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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