Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
