Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
