yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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