everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
