I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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