i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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