You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
