Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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