Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
