Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
