why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
