apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
