toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
