a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
