yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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