i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
