so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
