I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Semen is not good for contacts.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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