just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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