sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
