I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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