And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
