my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
