If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
