my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Randomize
