Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
