There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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