This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I am naked and annoyed.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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