Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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