Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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