he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
