It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize